CV

This was published in the British High Commission Weekly magazine-just shows how stupid you can get when you're bored. As a result, I was actually offered a job by the country manager of Courtaulds as Project Director for a new sewing thread factory they were planning to build!

Dear Editor,

I am due to finish here in Bangladesh at the end of September. At the moment, I am still looking for my next posting, and wonder if you could publish my CV (below), in case anyone knows of any suitable opportunities.

CURRICULUM VITAE

Name: Date of Birth: 07/09/57-ish

Profession: Lots Nationality: British

Education:

1960-1969 Westcott C of E Primary School

1969-(May-June) Mrs O'Brian's School for Young Ladies

1970-1975 Stavros' AegeanTechnical University and Beach Club, Kos

1975-present The University of Life

Books Read

Readers Digest "I am Jane's body" Teach Yourself Brain Surgery

The Zen Approach to Project Management (Nearly finished it) Hash International

A big red one, but I can't remember what it was about

Also (periodically) VIZ, Private Eye, Private, Pattaya Weekly Free Ad Mag, Grosse Blubsen

Qualifications:

25yards breaststroke (1958)

Golden Woggle (17th Dorking (Westcott) Wolf Cubs)

Open University BA(Hons)-Needlwork and Brain Surgery (with Heavy Engineering)

Membership of Professional Bodies:

Member of the Institution of Needlework and Heavy Engineering

Key Experience

Ron has over 25 years experience of doing all sorts of things, including.....................(fill in the space).

Employment:

Ron has done loads of jobs including Petrol Pump Attendant, Barman, Ice Cream Salesman, Wheelbarrow fabricator and painter (also stuck on the little plastic labels), civil engineering, project management, Whipper-in for the Surrey Union Foxhounds.

Papers/Publications/Television Appearances

The Bangladesh Highway code (Dhaka British High Commission News)

101 things to do with a Condom (Dhaka British High Commission News -rejected)

101 things to do with a used Condom (ditto)

Dino the Dinosaur(Dhaka British High Commission News -well almost-it’s a long story!)

Oh to be in England (Horse and Hound)

Living with Piles (Girl Guide Weekly)

Living with Someone Else's Piles (Hobbies Magazine)

Crimewatch (Sept 94)

9 o'clock News (Various-often with a coat over my head)

Languages:

Comprehension Spoken Written

French Oui Oui Un peu

Dutch Ja Dat ook Maar 'n beetje

German Donner und Blitzen Reeperbahn 9

Japanese Who cares

Bangla Fluent

Yiddish Oi veh!

Rubbish No Frequently (especially in the Club after Happy Hour)

Hobbies:

Languages, Reading, Computer Applications, Riding